Saturday 17 March 2012

The long and the tall of it

I realise what I'm about to say  may make some of the more vertically-challenged readers want to throw their lattes at me....but sometimes being tall sucks.

Not all the time. Like when I'm in a big crowd or I'm reaching for those on-sale peep-toes at the very top of the shoe rack at myer. But on certain occasions, it blows.

Let me explain why.

1. Being on the receiving end of painfully obvious comments.
"Wow, you're tall!" Really?? I had absolutely no idea and have never, ever been told that in my life. Tell me more! What bugs me about this comment is not just the pure moronic nature of it, but also the fact that it only applies to tall people. Would you say "wow, you're really fat!" to an obese person, or "wow you're really short!' to a short person? The tall have feelings too, people.

2. Grannies always use you as their personal cherry picker at supermarkets.
"Excuse me dear, can you just reach that can for me? Since you're so tall and all." (Insert sweet smile). Ugh. While I'm one for being nice to the elderly, this one still can get a little tiring for a tall person just trying to do their grocery shopping and getting hassled 4 times an aisle. Makes for slow shopping, frankly. It starts to feel like you're not a person anymore but rather, a useful mute giant with very helpful arms. It's especially annoying when the grannies take their can and run away with barely a thank you.

3. You can't wear super high-heels without feeling a bit like the BFG.
You don't know how many times I've gazed longingly at a sky-high pair of heels without sighing gloomily at the prospect of me stumbingly around getting even more of the comments above than I usually get. Sure, some tall girls strut around in heels like they were born in them and look amazing. But for me personally, when my head's almost touching the roof, I tend to get a little claustophobic.

4. Short man syndrome.
Ahhh yes. Many a time I've had a short man approach me in the bar and either try to cut me down to size or whisper that he'd like to get me into bed because he "loves a tall girl." Asking one of my short male friends about it later, I got the explanation: "If a short guy gets a tall girl, everyone knows he's pretty much killing it. It's harder for a short guy to get, almost like a prize" Kinda like catching a prized big fish? Ok...

5. You can't be discreet.
Any time I feel and look like crap and want to just quickly run through the IGA to get some pimple cream, it doesn't really happen. "Ah Laura, saw you from over there! Your head was poking over the aisle!" Sigh. Basically, when you're tall, you get noticed in a crowd. You stand out. That may be a good thing when you're looking a million bucks, but when you have one of those days where you just want to be invisible, it's a bit of a curse.

To end on a positive note, I suppose I should mention the good things about being tall. Skinny jeans always fitting perfectly without any need for alterations, being able to wear ballet flats out without feeling under-dressed, clothes fitting better...ok you can stop throwing your lattes now.